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Pursued by

Pursued by

to know goodness and mercy are always in pursuit

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The Gift of Shallow Waters

May 10, 2018May 10, 2018 ~ pursuedby ~ 2 Comments

I thought she had been a woman always living in fear, but she was really a woman who fiercely battled misplaced fears, in order to fear the only One she should. And that is a crucial difference.

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Fear’s Allure

May 5, 2018May 4, 2018 ~ pursuedby ~ 7 Comments

The dissection of fear allows us to see how it has the power to seduce and to save.

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“Scars” by I Am They

https://pursuedby.files.wordpress.com/2018/04/04-scars.m4a

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These two brothers. Oh how different they are, their appearance, their personality, their strengths and weaknesses. They are #bettertogether . But today, all I can feel is the crazy mixture of pride and pain for their future. David is Ty’s greatest cheerleader. I don’t know how a 2 yr. old knows that’s its a HUGE deal that his baby brother is finally able to stand up on his own for a few seconds at a time. David doesn’t understand what the words “diagnosis” and “cerebral palsy” mean. And yet David protects and hugs and cheers Ty on as if he has known all along that he could be the difference maker in his baby brothers life . David is incredibly physically strong. He has no fear. He tackles everyone. God has designed David to be a gentle + fierce protector. But Ty will need to be David’s protector too...all because his older brothers skin is a beautiful golden brown . Titus will learn to protect his brother from the lies and hurt of #racism and #bigotry. David will learn to protect his brother from the lies and hurt of #prejudice and wrong expectations. God willing, neither of them will have to protect each other from their life being taken because of their skin color or different needs . My heart weeps that this will be part of their relationship—it’s also what makes me amazed at their deep love for each other. I don’t know how they know how to love each other like they already do, but it is part of what will help them through growing up together in a world that doesn’t believe in the truth that we are all made in the image of God. That our skin color and our needs, our talents and strengths, are all designed by our Heavenly Father. That we are not what we do, we are not only our worst moments or only our best moments, we are who God says we are—greatly loved. Until we teach our children and neighbors that being made in His image is the basis for viewing our black, brown and special needs brothers and sisters as worthy, we will keep being part of the evil of racism . This is not the final step, not at all, but it is the beginning. Soak your hearts in the truth that every black + brown person are image bearers. Than, head to @beabridgebuilder listen + change
I love you so much #mightyty #fosterlove #almost1
“Do you miss your mom more on Mother’s Day?” he asked. I didn’t know how to answer. I have felt so many things this week, and yesterday, in some ways was the most hurt and confused I’ve felt as #birthmothersday posts popped up on my feed over and over. I felt jealous of those hard posts, because at least they had a picture, a story, a word for their children—we have almost nothing but loss and silence for our youngest sons . I have lost my mom. We have lost babies in the womb. We have 4 children who have joined us by birth. We have mothered children whom we’ve wept and rejoiced over when they reunified. And we have two sons through #adoption + #fostercare whose mothers we have never met. #mothersday is hard around here . Each year that passes, I know the question of “why” gets closer and closer. The thought keeps passing through my heart, “It’s the easiest this will ever be right now” . We don’t have pictures or words from their mothers like some do—words of beautiful brokenness, words of grace and strength, words of love and “I want you.” We have silence. We have emptiness. We have unreturned phone calls, unmet visits, unmade choices. Our sons have hard stories . Somehow today, when I’m reminded that I get to tell them their mothers loved them enough to carry them, to birth them, to name them—it just isn’t enough. And I think it’s because it’s true, those few words I can give them aren’t enough. Just as the pictures or words or letters some of you have aren’t enough for your children either. The brokenness of separation of child from mother and father was never meant to be. This is not how we were created to become a family. And yet, its our family . So what will I answer them? Because telling them words that are only partially true is not an option. Adding words to their stories that others can say that I can’t, is not an option. This I know: We will speak respectfully, lovingly, and honestly of their mothers always. We will be honest with their stories because we have Redemption to share. We have a gospel who calls only to the most broken, the most hurt. This is what I need to remember because this is the hope for wholeness I give to all my children. Jesus.

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