In summer the words flow through my head faster than I can write them down. I flit from one topic to the next, mentally wrestling through each detailed thought. God is speaking to me about so many things. I hear His heart as I read His words each morning, but it feels too much at once, almost too heavy without the release of writing them out. I’m not focused on one topic for very long before the next one comes pounding into my heart, beating to be let out.
The words come fastest in the car, driving to the next semi-spontaneous activity with the kids. They’re all home for the summer and I revel in the freedom from imposed schedules and homework; spending our time body boarding in the waves at the beach, traipsing around the grounds of the Tar Pits, or simply enjoying another popsicle in our tiny backyard. Today the desire to escape the house merges from one kid to the next. It’s sticky hot outside and the refreshment of the pool is calling. We stop to buy the promised new alligator float, and as I sit and watch the kids jump and scream to see who can stay on it the longest, the thoughts begin to flow again. For a few moments, as my body warms and pricks with sweat in the heat, my thoughts are uninterrupted. I piece together in my head what was formed and tucked inside my heart by Jesus earlier that morning– but there is still no writing down of the words.
I’m uncomfortable with not being able to physically write out these intimate conversations. There are so many words in my heart and I fear I will forget them. But the heart-check the Spirit continues to sow is this: keep talking with God. Summer with five kids home may be a time of less measurable productivity, but it can be and has been, a time of growing my intimacy with Jesus.
Because I don’t want to just put words to type to fill an Instagram square or add another page to the blog post—I want it all bathed in love; I want it all to flow from His love for me. I want all the words I write to reflect His love alone because there is a war on love and Satan is the one waging it.
Satan hates love because God is love. God’s enemy leads the war on love because it is the source of our salvation, our joy, our hope, and our growth. The devil will attack love any way he can. If he can tempt us to question Gods definition of love, we will define it however we feel is right and will carry around the burden of fruitlessness. If he can tempt us to speak correct words out of anger or impatience or “because I have a right too,” instead of out of love, they will not carry Gods changing power we all desperately need. So if any words are to come out of my head and be put on a page, they must come from His love or they will not be truthful. Without His love my truthless words will merely be another banging gong added to the clash of cymbals already out there, expanding instead of replacing the waste, damage, and destruction of loveless words. Without love, the written words offered will not carry the message and power of healing and hope God commands us to speak (1 Corinthians 13:1).
I don’t have the same kind of time in summer as I do during the school year to write. But I do have time to think, to pray, to ask Him what He wants me to say, and how He wants me to say it. So I choose to bathe in His love, allowing Him to fill my mind with His words, not fearing I won’t remember them or will miss my chance to speak them. Summer may be a quieter time in the output, but it’s a full season of input from Love. I will wait in this Love until He speaks, until the heartbeat says, “Go!” Waiting in His love is an act of patience, but even more, it’s an act of reliance. I will rely on Him. I will allow His love to wash through me that I may love Him and others with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:37-40). There is a war on love, and I will only win the battle of reflecting true (His) love by being drenched in His.